1) They are wearing new or different clothing.
If your t-shirt and jeans partner suddenly starts wearing expensive or drastically different clothes, or if they are just putting on clean clothes after wearing their favorite smelly shirt for weeks at a time, something might be amiss.
If your partner has had the same haircut for a long time but suddenly has a bold new haircut “this could indicate an effort to impress another person,” says Jonathan Bennett, a certified counselor and co-owner of Double Trust Dating.
If they are suddenly dressing up for a night on the town, hanging out with new people and coming home at all hours of the night without explanation, you might be in trouble.
The best way to approach these situations is to ask them about the evening and what they did.
If they’re avoiding answering your questions or if you notice their story is changing as much as their clothes these days, something might be changing for them that leaves you wondering what the heck happened between the two of you.
When partners are cheating, they are more likely to change the way they present themselves to the world because they want to appear desirable to someone else.
2) They are hiding things from you on their phone.
If they seem to panic when you pick up their phone or laptop and are suddenly trying to control what you can and can’t do on their phone, something is wrong.
According to counselor and therapist, Dr. Tracey Phillips, hiding things from you on their phone may be a sign of cheating:
“They could be trying to avoid receiving any questionable calls or texts in your presence.”
If you have been in a relationship for any length of time, you’ve had access to emails, texts, contact lists, or more and if they are pulling back from that access, it might be because there are suddenly new names and numbers in those contact lists.
If you notice that your partner is deleting texts and constantly clearing their browsing history, then that may not be a good sign.
Does your partner take their phone with them even to the bathroom?
While we all deserve privacy, if you ask to use their phone and they say no, Psychologist Robert Weiss says that this is a problem because “honestly, what could possibly be there – other than information about your surprise birthday – that they would want to keep secret?”
3) You can’t find them or reach them.
Couples that have been together for a while tend to know each other’s schedule.
If he or she is not where they are supposed to be, or if they are not doing what they tell you they are doing, it might be time to sit down and ask them what is going on.
When people are deceptive about their whereabouts or make excuses for why plans changed, things aren’t good.
If you can’t find them or reach them, there might be a reason for that and it’s because they don’t want you to.
Also, according to Ramani Durvasula, Ph.D. in Oprah Magazine, if they stop sharing about their day or their whereabouts, something may be up:
“The most interesting aspects of their day may relate to their new flirtation…This can be more devastating than sexual infidelity as it implies the intimacy of day-to-day life is now being shared with someone new.”
4) A man feels unessential.
A sign that a man is cheating on a woman is when he starts to feel unessential to her.
For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”. And feeling unessential is a common trigger for pulling away and exploring their options elsewhere.
Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!
This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. Watch his free video here about this fascinating concept.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
5) There’s no intimacy.
If it’s been three months since you’ve rolled around in the hay, something could be wrong.
Keep in mind that couples grow through dry spells, but if he or she is not even showing interest in you and nothing has really happened to cause the distance between you, cheating might be a reason why this has happened.
They don’t need anything from you because they are having their needs satisfied by someone else.
On the flip side, it could also turn the other way round where they are paying you more attention in bed, according to Paul Coleman, PsyD, in Prevention:
“Guilt-ridden people may increase lovemaking at home…Some will do so to cover their tracks. But some may do so to satisfy a partner so that the partner will not be seeking sex at a later time when the cheater knows he or she won’t be available.”
6) They are angry and nervous around you
If your kind partner is suddenly angry and frustrated with you, know that it’s probably not you they are frustrated with.
Instead, they are projecting their own fears and insecurities on you.
It’s not always evident because some people change over time. Not everyone is who they first appeared to be and it does happen from time to time that one partner finds out the other partner is not who they said they were.
But if they have been in your life for a long time and are getting mad at you for things that don’t make sense, it could be a cover-up.
According to Lillian Glass, Ph.D. in Oprah Magazine, you can tell if your partner is hiding something if “they are rocking back and forth” when they are chatting with you.
This shows a sign of nervousness.
7) Their schedule is suddenly different.
If they have to take off for a few days for work and no, you can’t go too, something might be wrong.
If you’ve always traveled together and now they are saying you can’t come, cheating might be why.
If he or she is going with a work colleague and have a bunch of work meetings and you are not permitted to go because of “company rules”, there’s no company in the world that would say that.
Who has the right to stop you from tagging along, especially if you are paying your own way? Nobody. It’s fishy.
Psychologist Paul Coleman, PsyD, says to Prevention that “someone who must ‘work late’ all of a sudden at times that go beyond a reasonable explanation may be cheating.”
If you’re seeing this symptom, as well as some of the others I mention in this article, it doesn’t necessarily mean your partner is cheating. However, you do need to start taking action to stop the degradation of your relationship.
Watch this video right now to learn about 3 techniques that will help you repair your relationship (even if your partner isn’t interested at the moment).
8) Their friends are being weird.
If you can’t seem to find any evidence of cheating but you are certain something is wrong, confront his or her friends.
If their friends can’t look you in the eye or are being weird about it, something’s wrong. It’s a surefire way to tell if your partner is cheating.
Paul Coleman, PsyD, says that “there is a good chance your partner’s friends may know what’s really going on before you do.”
Friends almost always know what is going on, and if you are desperate to get the right information before you confront your partner, friends are where it’s at.
9) They are suddenly paying a lot of attention to you after being distant for a while.
Sometimes couples grow apart. It happens. But if they are suddenly interested in you after not paying a whole lot of attention to you for a while, there might be something amiss.
They may be trying to make up for less-than-ideal acts behind your back.
If you find they are trying really hard when they’re around you, it might be time to have a conversation about where the sudden attention is coming from.
Dr. Tracey Phillips, tells Bustle, that when your partner starts calling you more than usual it may not be as sweet as it sounds:
“What they may actually be doing is checking your whereabouts to make sure you are not somewhere that you can catch them.”
10) They are suddenly moody without explanation or apology.
If they’re hiding something, they might not be hiding it all that well.
Caleb Backe, Health and Wellness Expert for Maple Holistics, tells Bustle, that unexplained mood swings could be a sign of cheating.
Sometimes people are really bad at keeping their secrets hidden and they’ll try to pin a lot of guilt on you and point out all the things you are doing wrong to take the light off of them.
It’s a manipulation tactic that tries to make you look like the bad guy so that you won’t be surprised when you find out that she/he was cheating on you.
However, it’s important to note that they may just be having a bad day, but if you can’t find any reason for their sudden change in emotion, then it might be time to start thinking.
Quick question: What ‘love’ do you have for your partner?
Before I move on to signs 11 to 28 that your partner is cheating, have you ever stopped and reflected on the love you have for your partner?
After taking an excellent masterclass on love and intimacy by world renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, I did this.
I realized that for a long time I was trapped by the ideal of having the perfect romance.
Westerners grow up obsessed with the idea of “romantic love”. We watch TV shows and Hollywood movies about perfect couples living happily ever after.
And naturally we want it for ourselves.
While the idea of romantic love is beautiful, it’s also an unrealistic standard.
Experts estimate that the concept has only been around for 250 years. Before this, people got together for more practical reasons — usually for the sake of survival or to have kids.
I started to see that romantic love shouldn’t be the standard by which we judge the success of relationships.
Check out Rudá Iandê’s masterclass here.
Understanding that the perfect romance doesn’t necessarily exist made me free to live life on my own terms. It also opened me up to meaningful relationships without needing them to be perfect.
I then learned an incredibly important lesson from the shaman Rudá Iandê.
I’m not the typical person that would seek out the advice of a shaman. But Rudá isn’t your typical shaman.
He has spent a lot of time with indigenous tribes in the Amazon. He even sings shamanic songs and bangs his drums on occasion.
But he’s different in an important way. Rudá has made shamanism relevant for modern-day society. He has interpreted and communicated it for people like me and you.
People living regular lives.
What I learned from his masterclass is that the relationship I have with myself is mirrored in my relationship with others. Therefore, it was very important for me to develop a better relationship with myself.
In Rudá words:
“If you do not respect your whole, you cannot expect to be respected as well. Don’t let your partner love a lie, an expectation. Trust yourself. Bet on yourself. If you do this, you will be opening yourself to be really loved. It’s the only way to find real, solid love in your life.”
Wow. He is right about this.
These words come directly from Rudá Iandê’s free masterclass on love and intimacy on Ideapod. It will be up for just a short time
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