The holidays are a time for joy, laughter, and—let’s be honest—a little chaos. Whether you’re untangling lights, dodging awkward family questions, or just trying to survive another year of fruitcake, a good laugh can go a long way. That’s why we’ve gathered some of the best funny Christmas quotes, sayings, and wishes to sprinkle some humor into your festive season. Perfect for sharing on funny Christmas cards, social media, or just keeping for yourself when you need a chuckle.
Funny Christmas Quotes
The holiday season is full of chaos, cookies, and awkward family moments—so why not embrace it with a little humor? These Christmas quotes capture the funny, festive side of the season and are sure to make you smile:
“Maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas… perhaps… means a little bit more!” — Dr. Seuss, How the Grinch Stole Christmas
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.” — Buddy the Elf, Elf
“Keep the change, ya filthy animal.” — Home Alone 2: Lost in New York
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.” — Bart Simpson
“I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights.” — Maya Angelou
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.” — Shirley Temple
“The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.” — Johnny Carson
“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” — Melanie White
“We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.” — Buddy the Elf, Elf
“Thank you, Stockings, for being a long flammable piece of fabric people like to hang over a roaring fireplace.” — Jimmy Fallon
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus.” — Bob Phillips
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.” — Victor Borge
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.” — Andy Borowitz
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.” — Kin Hubbard
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.” — Johnny Carson
“I hate the radio this time of year because they play ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You’ like, every other song. And that’s just not enough.” — Bridger Winegar
“It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.” — Jimmy Kimmel
